So much emotion...

Today I received an email from October15th's webstore. They often send emails when they have new products available for memorial items for pregnancy and infant loss. The email with the items in there triggered me to think of our beautiful boy.

"Empty But For Love"

I remember feeling this exact very way. So sad and raw.

"We Were Three"

The last image was also hard for me. It was one of the hardest things. Having to explain how I was pregnant, and no more. I do not know how many people I bumped into after having such a large pregnant belly and them to see me afterward with nothing. How do you tell someone this? After a while I just didn't say anything unless they asked.

After Adrian was born, I had a lot of issues that required me to have surgery done about 6 weeks after he was born. It was very scary and was an emergency surgery in Toronto. I had to explain to several people that I was recently pregnant, and he died. Some of the doctors did not read further into the chart to see he was still born. I'd end up a highly medicated sobbing mess signing papers saying so much that I wasn't prepared for. Another scary sad point in my life... I was quite mentally ill, and physically ill. I had a baby, and then 2 major surgeries within 6 weeks of each other and I was trying to cope with living in our apartment with all of Adrian's things... The flowers stopped coming, and the phone calls stopped happening too... And here I am coming up to 5 years later still in pain.

This is such a sore topic for me, how to explain that you have 3 children, when really you only have 2 living children.