Adrian Patrick was stillborn on June 2nd 2006 at 31 weeks gestation. The worst day of our lives.
I have a 10 page birth story written, but I will not post it as it's VERY detailed. I re-read it, and for some reason I thought that all of these events were farther apart, but they aren't. I guess over time your memories change to what details you specifically remember, not so much minor details.
2 weeks prior to Adrian's stillbirth, I felt something was not right, had a movement scare, and went to maternity. They told us our daughter was actually a son, and that everything was great. The whole pregnancy before Adrian was breech, and in that week he must have flipped over and they suspected that is why I hadn't felt much movement. They assured me everything was okay and I could go home.
On the Sunday before Adrian's birth, I went to another hospital because my legs and feet were so swollen I couldn't get my shoes on. I finally managed to get sandals on my feet but they were near impossible to get off. They were like giant "nerf balls". We went to a hospital that does not deliver babies, and I told them that I hadn't felt much movement and my legs were so swollen. The looked at them, and said that it was a normal thing to happen in pregnancy.
3 days later, I went back to the maternity ward for non-movement. Our dream of Adrian was shattered. He was gone. They let us go home pack a few things, and come back. We were there in labour for 3 days. The whole ordeal is quite overwhelming, and I can't type it all up. We had plenty visitors, plenty support it seemed at the time, but it wasn't really much at all now that I look at it.
I didn't know we could ask to see our baby boy at the funeral home in his casket. I wish I had asked like I wanted to. There were so many regrets, and so many wishes that I could've done.
Each year, we go to a butterfly release in memory of Adrian.
Each year, on his birthday we take out toys to him.
Each month, we try to go visit and clean up his "area"
Each day I learn how to breathe again...
