Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I miss having you. I've thought so much if I had done anything wrong to cause you to die in my belly, but I know I did nothing to do that. It was God's choice and there was a reason for you going up to Heaven.
I would give my life just to hear you cry once for 1 minute. You are my everything.
Each day that goes by, some how I feel it's easier to explain to others who you were and your life. Other days I just want to be right beside you in the dirt and hold your tiny hand and remind you that everything is okay. The past couple weeks have been hard without you. Many people say, I'm sorry, or they understand how I feel. How can they, Adrian? No one could explain or know how I feel when you're missing from my life.
Each day, I try to think of many things that I can remember you by and make others reconize you also. Many don't believe that you exsisted. Many don't believe that you were real. You were all of that and more. I feel that those people are at a loss for not wanting to know who you are and how I can make them more aware.
You have a new friend beside you named Reid, I'm sure you guys are the best of friends in Heaven. I have talked to Reid's mother on the computer and have shared our stories about each other. I hope you both can hold hands and be brave through everything and remind us all that life can continue through our struggles.
Today I will go and visit you with Steve and celebrate your birthday. You deserve everything we can give. I will always love you, never forget you and try to tell everyone I know about you and how your life changed mine.
Love Your Mother, Victoria.
Adrian,
This year you would be two years old. Where has the time gone by? It still feels like yesterday we held you breifly in our arms so silently. I remember every little part of your body, and every little thing about you. I remember your fingers, your hair, what your eye colour was. Everything.
We've put up more picture of you in our home, because you are our son. You will have a younger brother or sister soon, we plan on telling them how wonderful you would've been as a big brother. Not having you here with this baby on the way feels very lonesome, and stressful on Mom, but I know you're watching and making sure this baby arrives safely.
Since you've been gone, there has been two babies burried by you. One being Momma's best friend from highschool... Her baby passed away last summer, Sarah Lynn Labelle. She's very beautiful, and I know she arrived safely to Heaven to play with you. Beside her, is Reid. You and him are probably the best of buddies! I can only imagine the little trouble you two can do.
I've met many new friends through you, and I am thankful for you showing me the peace I can have now. Everyday is hard, but I know we can get through this. You're my world. Thank you for showing me the good in life, and the good in other people.
As last year, we are going to a butterfly release in your memory. It's very beautiful, and has given me more reasons for me to connect you with butterflies.
I love you Adrian. Thank you for all the peace you've given me in my healing process. I try to speak of you as much as I can to let others know about you and bring awareness out to people.
You'll never be forgotten, and you'll always be loved.
Happy second birthday little buddy.
Love Momma.
Happy birthday Adrian. You're three!
The pain momma feels without you is starting to get easier to cope with. But there are days that I truly miss you and wish I could dig you out of the ground and see you again.
In the past year, your little sister was born. She looks identical to you. Her nose was even squished to one side like yours was when you were born. Everyone kept saying how much your sister looked like you. It was simply unbelievable.
Having Amelia here is a blessing, but because you were our first child and were taken away from us we never got to see what we were missing. The milestones that Amelia does we always wonder if you would've been doing the same thing. It is a complete new level of pain for us and a new experience.
By now I bet you would have been riding a bicycle. And would have been potty trained, and would have done so much! I can't believe it.
For your third birthday, we picked out 7 latex balloons, and 1 foil balloon for you. Uncle Les, Uncle Andrew and Theresa, Stacey, Graham, Daddy & I all let a balloon go for you. Amelia was there but she was sleeping, she helped pick out a firetruck for you at the store to take to your resting place. The foil balloon we put on your Sheppard's hook and took a few pictures of your new Precious Moments figurine for your shelf at home.
Afterward, we all had birthday cake and celebrated. It was a hard day for Momma. It still is hard for me, but dealing with life after you is getting easier. I'm glad we have great friends to help us get through these hard days.
Momma misses you. Happy birthday Adrian.
Love always, Momma.
Dearest little Adrian,
Today you would've been 4 years old. Again, where has the time gone? This year your second sister was born. She looks very similar to you. At first, I didn't see a resemblance. But after a couple days, I see your eyes in Ava's. Sometimes I look at the girls and dream of what you'd look like now. Sometimes I swear they know you. They seem to give me the love I need when I miss you greatly.
We went to the cemetery to visit you. We brought you 3 little cars and 1 bigger car for you as well as a birthday balloon. Your sisters were with us, but it was raining so we did not stay long. Ava stayed in the car, and Daddy carried Amelia out to the grave. I cleaned up your stone, and placed your cars down for you. We will need to go another day when we can all go out to visit you.
I found a quote on the internet and thought it was so true to what happened with you.
"I waited so long for you and then in such a short time you were gone. Such a tiny life, such a huge impact."
Even now, four years after you left us - the impact on my life is huge. The impact on our family is huge.
Momma
