I gave my son away to God...

I often wonder how things would be different today with Adrian around. I gave him to God though, and I'm sure he's watching with Him to make sure we're okay down here. Or at least I can hope that is the case.

Last week I ordered myself a gift on Etsy. The chain that my husband and I got the day after Adrian died broke, and I have been naked without the chain for a very long time. I'm grateful I still have all the pieces to get it repaired, but I just haven't done so. Maybe it's a sign of something? Or pure laziness... Not sure.

They are custom made, and I can't wait to get my piece that I ordered.

The date of his birth/death is approaching, and I'm not looking forward to it by any means. Soon as May approaches, I get depressed and kind of hide in a hole of crap. This time seems so much worse then the previous years. But I will make it, and be proud for everything that I have, and how much I've better myself since those dark days of his death...

Each year we've celebrated his birthday with balloons, a cake and our circle of family. Friends and family, for that matter. But they're our circle of support. Each year that circle changes, and that's perfectly fine because everyone's lives change and that means we change how we do things. Last year we were alone. It wasn't nice at all. I needed those people for help, but none were available... Not saying that I didn't have support, because I do. But they don't live nearby. This year will be different. It has to be, he'd be 5.